My First Post Revisited

I was talking to our preacher tonight at church and gave him a very edited version of "My Story". I thought since it was the first post I wrote last year on my blog, that some of you may not have read it. So, if you are interested in how God gave me peace about moving to Honduras, here it is:

How It All Began...or..."A 180 in Under 24 Hours"

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21) NIV

Tuesday, April 6, 2004. That's the day it began for me. I loved my life in Bowling Green. Our children were almost all grown. Philip was still living at home, working and attending the university. Steve was a college professor. I had my own drapery business and was having a pretty good year. Our oldest son, David, was engaged and was working and living only an hour from our home. Melanie, our oldest child and only daughter, was also about an hour away. She was married with 2 children, Madeline and Noah, and was pregnant with her third child, Jack. We saw our grandchildren every week and, because of owning my own business, my time was very flexible and I was able to run down to see them whenever I needed some "Dani" (grandmother) time. We were involved in our church and just really loved the way our lives were going. We were comfortable...

On that day, Tuesday, April 6, 2004, around 9:30 p.m., my world as I had known it changed. My dear husband turned off the t.v. and said he needed to talk to me. Oh my goodness...I could not imagine what was so important that Steve would turn off the t.v. before telling me. Then he dropped the b.omb. He began to tell me that he had been thinking about something for several months...He had prayed a lot about it...He believed God had tried to lead him many times before in his life and he had not listened...He felt God was leading him now... "What?!, I was thinking...What is is he trying to say?" Looking back now, I knew was he was going to say. Over the years, I had seen it coming.

I'm going to back up a bit...First of all, Steve's father lived in Guatemala for 40 years, so Steve's first trips to Central America occurred when he was only a boy. Almost as soon as we moved to Bowling Green in 1988, he became chairman of the missions committee and began traveling to Choluteca, Honduras and working closely with the missionaries our church supported there. He also began leading mission trips to different countries in Central America. His love for the people and frustration at not being able to communicate well led him to take several college Spanish classes over the next few years. Then, in the summer of 1998, the night before he was to return home, Steve had to have emergency surgery in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. At this time, I actually got my first passport (flew to New Orleans and got an emergency one in half a day!) and made my first trip to Honduras. After that, I went on several trips to Honduras and one to Costa Rica. Steve says it was worth having to have surgery in a 3rd world country just to get his wife to join him on some of his mission trips and finally see why he loved the people so much!

During the time he was in the hospital, he met for the first time, Calvin, who was president of Baxter Institute, and his wife, Linda. Not long after this, Steve was asked to join the board of directors. We began a special friendship with Calvin and Linda, a love for the students at Baxter and a deep admiration for what this preacher training school was accomplishing in Tegucigalpa and the world!

So, that's the background. Maybe you can see why I knew what Steve was going to say that night in April 2004. However, after our first grandchild was born, I really did not think he would ever ask me to consider doing it...

"I believe God wants us to consider moving to Honduras. I think I want to apply for the job as president of Baxter Institute." The only two words I could get out came out in the form of a question..."You're kidding?" I kept repeating it. I felt tears well in my eyes. I could not talk. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I'm a little ashamed of this now, but there were only two thoughts that filled my mind as I was listening to this man pour our his heart..."There is no way I can do this" and "How am I going to get out of it without appearing to be a terrible wife and Christian?"

Steve continued to talk about how he believed God had led him to this moment...how he didn't want to say "no" to God's plan again...how he, too, loved our life as it was and that he would totally understand if this was not something I felt I could do right now. He just wanted me to consider it, pray about it and we'd talk about it again later.

I went to bed then and cried for a while. I prayed...sort of...I can really identify with the scripture in Romans 8:26: "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." I honestly didn't know what to pray for. I wasn't ready to pray for God's will to be done because deep down, I think I already knew what it was and I wasn't ready to submit. Thankfully, God allowed me to sleep peacefully.

The next morning I went in to the church building, where I worked one day a week. My sweet friend, Jaquatta, who was the church secretary at that time was the first person I told. I knew Steve didn't want me really talking about this because he had not applied for the job yet and didn't even know if he would or...even if he applied, he didn't know that he would get the job. But...I HAD to tell someone!

I told J. all about it, including the news she didn't know yet...our daughter was expecting our 3rd grandchild in October! I just poured it all out as I cried and I really expected her to say something like, "Oh, Jeanne...you can't go to Honduras...you can't leave your grandbabies!" Well, guess what? That's not even close to what she said. She came around her desk, got down on her knees in front of me, took my hands and said, "I want to pray". Wow! What a prayer...I have never felt so humbled...to hear someone talking to God about what a blessing I could be and how much faith she had in me and how she knew God had planned this for my life, etc., etc.

That was the moment that, for the first time, I felt like maybe it was actually a possibility...very small possibility...that I COULD do this. That day was Wednesday and that night, instead of going to my ladies class at church, I pulled aside two other dear friends, Teresa and Ruth, and said, "You aren't going to class tonight...I've got to talk to you!" These two ladies went into an empty office with me and there I told them about Steve's desire to work in Honduras. I also admitted all my fears and doubts: I didn't know if I could leave my children and grandchildren...I didn't know 10 words of Spanish...I was not a leader...I had a business that was doing well...and...I didn't know if I even wanted to do this. They were both encouraging...they both prayed for me; basically that God would lead us where he wanted us to go and that we would be willing to follow. Then Teresa looked me in the eye and said something that I will never forget. She said, "Jeanne, if this is God's plan for you, He will equip you with EVERYTHING you need to follow him!" Whoa.

I, personally, had never felt, in all my Christian walk with God, that He was "calling" me to do something in particular. Now, I'm not saying that He hadn't called me before. I'm just saying if He had, then I must not have been listening. But at that moment, Wednesday, April 7, 2004, at approximately 8 p.m., I KNEW that we were moving to Honduras. Do you realize that God totally and completely changed my heart in less than 24 hours? He is truly amazing! I give Him all the credit, honor, glory...I sometimes say that I made the decision that night to do mission work in Honduras, but that isn't really true. The decision was made long before that night and it was made by the creator of the universe...not by me! I merely submitted to His will and to His decision. And He has blessed me abundantly...

(Added December 17, 2009):

I have to add that one of the biggest blessings God has given me is the blessing of peace in being able to leave my children and grandchildren. I cannot wait each time I am able to come home to see them but...I do not cry when it is time to leave. I am always (with maybe one exception) ready to go back to Honduras when it is time. I thank God for this blessing! When people ask me how I can do that, I say, "Jeanne White could never do that! It is totally God!"

The verse at the top of this post has a special meaning to me. Although I don't usually use the New Living Translation, I like the way it words this verse:

"You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail."